I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
