so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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