i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
