i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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