Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
