Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
