Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
3pm strippers are depressing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize