suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
