When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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