Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
