I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
