She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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