omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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