3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
