OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
