found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
