My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
