All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
too bad you live with your parents still
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
