dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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