I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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