I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
