just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Someone signed my nipple.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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