adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
