They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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