I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
