More tranny stories later!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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