It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
