Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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