You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
