Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
