ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
