he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You pole danced in your parka.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
