I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
