So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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