I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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