she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
