she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
