After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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