So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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