i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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