There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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