I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
