I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
