She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
