you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
