I'd wear matching sweaters with you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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