he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
