totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
