If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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