just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
