You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize