I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
