I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
