you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
