fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
