UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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