Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
