Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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