I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
