I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
