this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
