am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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