i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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