i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
