this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
