My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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