There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
