I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize