Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
