I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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