You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
