i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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