i think my mom watched the whole time
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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