you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
