my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
