So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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