party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
