Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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