sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
