I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish there were birth control emojis
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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