How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
