ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
