just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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