dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize