Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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