Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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