What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
