I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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