and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
