shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize